Though the blackout came and went it left behind enormous fatalities; some more obvious then others. The aftermath of the blackout caused individuals to count their blessings. It was very common to see paraphernalia that read,"I survived the blackout." This statement was displayed on T-shirts, hats and many other items.
After, twenty-two years of marriage we are now wearing our T-shirts (pertaining to marriage). And it reads, "We survived the Marriage Blackouts." What blackout are we referring to? The blackouts that come to interrupt our God ordained commitment/covenant one to another. The blackouts that presents itself as barriers towards unity and oneness in our covenant relationships. Have you ever had a blackout in your marriage? One that brought confusion, turmoil, insecurities, feelings of hopelessness.
What Happens During A Marriage Blackout?
There are many types of Marriage Blackouts, let's name a few:
Marriage Blackout Points:
- communication barriers/blackouts
- financial barriers/blackouts
- sex barriers/blackouts
- affairs/blackouts
- dynamics of change/blackouts
These are only a few Marriage Blackouts that can occur in a marriage. When hit with either of these there can be a spiral affect on the relationship. How so? One barrier can spill over into another area especially if we (as husband's & wives) are not giving attention to the inconspicuous interferences that can possibly destroy or reap havoc in our relationships.
Let's reference one of the above, Marriage Blackout points. We will chose communication. How can communication cause a marriage black out? We'd like to share with you one or two of our blackout experiences.
We've always had a strong passion towards one another. However, approximately in the seventh year of our marriage, as I said earlier something erupted. One being our method regarding appropriate ways of communicating.
I remember responding one day to my husband about a particular situation and he asked me, "Who do you think you are talking to?" When he said that I then wondered, who did he think he was talking too? Maybe, my response to him was sarcastic or sharp; at that time I did not recognize the offense.
I remember when Jeff would sometimes speak to me harshly. It would literally crush me. Why, because he is my husband and he holds the key to my heart where no other can dwell, that place is reserved solely for him. It is like a garden that is set aside; to be nurtured and manicured with gentle hands and this garden responds to the care and touch that it receives from the assigned Gardner.(Provers 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver).
Harsh words can cause major blackouts in a marriage; especially when they are continuous. Words settle into the soil of our hearts and in due season the seeds that were sown bring forth harvest. The type of harvest that is brought forth has a lot to do with what is sown.
A very well know writer once wrote, "When communication stops, abnormality sets in and the ultimate end of abnormality is death. This occurs when a leaf is severed from the stem and then withers and dies.Marriages die when the married couple refuses to communicate or when too much distortion prevents understanding and reconciliation. Faith dies when men refuse to communicate with God or when His words become distorted to them.(Excerpts taken from the book,"Communication, Sex & Money," by Edwin Louis Cole).
Proverbs 4:6-7 reads, Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her and she will watch over you. 7.Wisdom is supreme; therefore, get wisdom, though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Proverbs shows us the path that we should take concerning our spouse. Even in the blackout moments; the goal is go after wisdom with all you have,even when it seems difficult. Things sometimes seem difficult in our blackout moments, but with God's instruction we can reach the desired resolve.
We (Jeff and I)made the decision to seek God's wisdom. How? By taking the time to find out the unique qualities that the Father placed in both of us, and committing to use those qualities to help the other reach their full potential (Proverbs 27:17,Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.)
Penny: Approximately sixteen years ago Jeff didn't have the most desirable attitude. That wasn't all the time because sometimes he was like an angel from heaven. But, in his un-angelic moments he was like that Grinch that stole Christmas.
As I began to pray and ask God about this man, I began to see some of his basic and fundamental needs. One being the need for respect. Ephesians.5:33 "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Yes, from my perspective there were many times that he did not deserve respect but he was in need of it;as we all are. I chose to give to him what he needed. Did that mean that I was to lose the brain that God gave me or to allow him to treat me in a subservient way or a way that deemed not to be edifying to my soul; of course not. But, it did mean understanding my position. The place of power that God has given me to impart into my husband, to reaffirm his self worth, to remind him that he is made in God's image, to call him to a place of righteousness that he just may not be walking in.
I can respect him without losing respect or dignity for myself because I am also made in God's image.Knowing his make-up (as a man) is one of the keys to overcoming barriers of communication(blackouts).
Side Bar: Been through, will go through, presently going through. We all have experienced one or more of these categories, conflict is inevitable. Conflicts in marriage does not always signify a bad marriage. Disagreements are a testament to the fact that both partners are different. Each maintaining their own personality and individuality. The niche is how we handle and resolve conflicts. It is beneficial to our union to grow and mature in our methods/approach when resolving conflict.
Here is a great exercise:
(Someone shared this with us. We believe it will be an effective exercise;weather your marriage is in the maintenance stage, requires restoration or needs enhancement. We all have to make investments when it comes to our marriage).
- (Husbands)Write a love letter to your wife.(Tell her why you love her and what she means to you.)
- (Wives)Write a letter to your husband expressing reasons why you respect/appreciate him.
(Please feel free to leave us a comment/question your thoughts are important to us.)
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